Back to Love (Cameron Falls: A Small Town Romance Book 4) Read online

  My heart swells as my stomach drops.

  Oh shit.

  I pull the covers down the bridge of my nose and squint against the god-awful light to take a peek around the room. The walls are light gray with black curtains parted over the windows with the blinds opened. It screams masculinity, and I’m hoping like hell the remaining alcohol in my system is only playing tricks on me.

  Shit… What if I…

  I can’t finish the thought as my pulse spikes and slams a tsunami of blood to rush into my ears. Slowly, I turn my head to check when another weird combination of feelings hit me—relief yet utter disappointment—when I find the bed empty. The covers aren’t messed up and the pillow doesn’t look like it’s been laid on either.

  Blowing out a breath, I push to sit up, which is a miserable mistake. The tap-dancing buffalo are now on the run and my head feels like it’s about to explode.

  “Shit,” I hiss, grabbing the sides of my head.

  The blanket slides to my waist as the cold air hits my skin. My eyes spring open. Quickly, I lift the covers to find I’m only rocking my underwear—a thong to be exact—and what the hell does that cover? Where the hell is my dress?

  Shit. Double shit. Shit to the tenth degree.

  What the hell did I do last night?

  Clasping the sheet to my chest, I peek over the side of the bed to find my dress crumpled in a pile along with my dignity. After slipping it over my head, I go to the bathroom where I do my best to get rid of the raccoon eyes and use some of the minty mouth wash on the counter.

  When I step out, I spot two framed pictures on the black dresser across the bedroom and make my way to them, hoping like hell what I suspect is wrong.

  “You have got to be kidding me,” I seethe under my breath.

  Out of all the places in this frickin’ town that I could’ve landed, I find myself here. Just fucking great. Of course, no one else would own that damn cologne, someone without all the memories. That would be way too easy.

  Linking my heels in my pinky, I take a deep breath, schooling my features and gathering my pride. I won’t let him see my humiliation. He doesn’t deserve that satisfaction. Hopefully he’ll be asleep or gone or drowned in the tub. Doesn’t really matter to me just as long as I don’t have to see him.

  Quietly, I pop open the door, glance around, and tiptoe down the hallway where once again, I’m hit with a combo punch in the chest.

  Tucker Jones—aka, Cameron Falls’ sexiest man, aka the fucking asshole, aka the most hated man by me—sits at his kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him and his phone in his hand. A plain white t-shirt clings tightly against the muscles of his well-defined chest. He’s not body builder big, but anyone with eyes can see just how strong he is. Years of wrestling around with thousand-pound animals will do that. His long legs are stretched out in front of him like he doesn’t care that I’m even in his house.

  I hate how good looking he is. Asshole.

  “Morning,” he says, his deep voice breaking into the silence of the house and traveling straight into the shattered pieces of my heart. It’s been almost four years since I’ve heard it. “Feel like coffee?” He finally pulls his eyes off his phone and glances up to me, causing the empty spot in my chest to constrict.

  Ever since he was young, he’s kept the same haircut—short on the sides and a little longer on top. It normally isn’t out of place, but right now it’s a mess, disheveled like he’s had a wild night of incredible sex.

  “No. I feel like getting the hell out of here. Did we…” I can’t bring myself to finish the question. I don’t know if I even want to hear the answer or live my life in denial.

  His lips stretch into a sexy boyish grin and I damn near melt into my panties. “You’d know if we did. Besides, you were drunk.”

  The smugness annoys me. I arch a pissy brow, hating how he makes me feel inside. “That’s never stopped you before.”

  Tucker’s a pro at keeping his features calm. He’s lived most his life in the limelight, so I’m assuming he’s trained himself to stay stoic in case the cameras were focused on him. But knowing him as long as I have, I know to watch his eyes. Right now, I can see the hurt from pulling out the knife I just shoved into his gut.

  “I woke up naked,” I tell him feeling badly for what I said. Regardless of how much I hate him, Tucker isn’t a bad guy and would never take advantage of anyone.

  “Not by my doing. You must’ve done that after I put you in the bed. I slept on the couch.” He tips his head toward the living room, but I don’t look. I don’t have to. Tucker isn’t a liar.

  “Aren’t you nice,” I sass, curling my lip.

  “I am.” He glances to his phone before burning me with a shit-eating smirk. “So nice that I’ve got you a ride out of here. Cash will be here any minute.”

  My heart stalls in my chest and my blood runs cold. I almost drop my heels. “You called my brother?” Shit. I squeaked.

  “I did.”

  “Why?” I feel like my soul is wilting. “Why the hell would you call any of my damn brothers?”

  “This town talks and everyone saw me carry you out of the bar last night. You’re welcome by the way.”

  “For what? Ruining my good time and then calling my brother?”

  “Could’ve called him last night to haul your drunk ass out of there, or I could’ve taken you to your parents after finding out you didn’t have your keys.”

  I grit my teeth. “I’m going to wait outside.”

  “Storm’s coming. Get some coffee and wait inside.”

  I’m about to pop off something smartassed because I’m one hundred percent an adult around him, when I hear a heavy knock on the door.

  Tucker’s eyes slide to it and then back to me. “That’s yours to answer.”

  If looks could kill, Tucker would be bleeding out as I murder him with a glare before spinning around and yanking the door open.

  Cash’s eyes are narrowed slightly as he scans my face, and I hate it. The man can read your darkest secrets from a mile away.

  “Seriously?”

  “Don’t start,” I bite.

  “What the hell were you thinking?”

  “That I needed a drink. Don’t act like you’ve never needed to just get shit faced before.”

  “I’m not ac—”

  “Shhhh,” I cut him off, throwing my hand in his face. “My head hurts and your voice is making it worse.”

  My brother’s brown eyes glow with restrained anger. “Thanks, man.” He glances over my shoulder.

  “Sorry I didn’t call last night, but I didn’t think any of you wanted to come out in the middle of the night.”

  Cash’s gaze crashes back into mine. “Not because of a spoiled brat, no.”

  Yeah. He’s super pissed. My only saving grace is Cash doesn’t do the yelling and losing his head like Blake or Rhett, but his way is worse. He does the mad where he calmly lays into my ass like I’m a child.

  Fantastic. This car ride is going to be miserable.

  “I hate you,” I say into the phone as I pull out a bottle of water from the fridge and then make my way back into the living room.

  “No you don’t,” Alyssa thrums.

  “Yes. I’m pretty sure I do.” I drop onto my sofa and curl up under my soft chunky knitted blanket.

  When Cash brought me home, he promised to fetch my Jeep later. See? He may be all caveman protective, but he’s a fluffy creampuff with me. I showered off my night and I’ve been on my sofa ever since, nursing a hangover from hell.

  I drank way too much.

  Most girls would sit on the couch and devour a gallon of ice cream while watching some sappy chick-flick with their best friend who becomes the president of the man-hating club while wiping her bestie’s tears off her face. I am not most girls and neither is Alyssa. Instead of us stabbing a spoon into the ice cream, we found solitude in stabbing our straws deeper into our drinks because the ice was in the way.

  Why did
we need the man-hating, get drunk, girls’ night out? Because Todd, my shitty ass boyfriend of six months who has been sharing his worthless dick around with other women for the last five months because—and I quote—I’m unlovable. Talk about a kick in the gut. Instead of being a decent man like I thought he was and breaking things off with me, the asshole blamed me for his debauchery.

  If I sound salty it’s because I am.

  I am not unlovable. In fact, I’m quite the opposite. But since my heart’s been broken, I don’t love easily. Which is what bruised Todd’s ego and gave him the perfect excuse to wave his average-sized dick in front of his secretary. She was just as shocked as I was when I walked in on the scene that has been burned into my retinas. So much for trying to make things work and surprising him. Instead, I was met with his pale ass, her bent over his desk, and him ramming into her like a jack hammer.

  In her defense, she told me he said we weren’t together anymore.

  Just because I don’t love easily doesn’t mean things don’t hurt, and that hurt.

  “Next time don’t tell me to leave with Owen,” Alyssa says.

  I snort, which hurts my head, causing me to flinch and squeeze my eyes shut. “Next time don’t tell me how badly you want to ride his dick after making out with him in the bathroom hallway when I’m drunk off my ass. I’m pro-get-laid and the good bestie trying to get you there. But you’re awful for abandoning me at the bar unsupervised.”

  “Sorry. I had dick brain.”

  “Speaking of, spill it.”

  “It was awful,” she groans. “The first time was over before I could take a breath. I chalked it up as being overly excited since I worked the hell out of him on the way to his house. But the second and third times were just as quick.”

  “Wait. Owen is a minute man?”

  “Unfortunately, even with liquor dick, the rumors were wrong and I only got a minute of three forgettable rides.”

  I begin to giggle. “That’s what you get for leaving me. You didn’t deserve good dick.”

  “Didn’t you just say you’re pro-get-laid? And are you forgetting you’re the one who pushed me to leave?”

  “Had you not gotten dick brain, Tucker wouldn’t have dragged me out of there, and we’d still be asleep half-drunk.”

  “Did you and Tucker have any fun?” she asks, her tone breaking into song.

  “No. I slept in the bed. He slept on the couch,” I say flatly. “And get this. He had the nerve to call Cash to come get me this morning.”

  She gasps. “He didn’t!”

  “Oh, he freaking did.”

  She’s quiet for a second before she responds. “Well, it could’ve been Rhett or Blake. He did you a favor by calling Cash. At least he’s not like—”

  “He’s just as bad but without all the shouting, scowling, and chest thumping. Cash’s way of being disappointed hurts more. Don’t ask me how. It just does.”

  “How shitty was it to do the walk of shame without doing the dirty with the man who took your virginity?”

  Dammit. My eyes slide closed. She went there, to the one place I told her never, ever, ever to go again.

  I sink deeper into the sofa. “It was humiliating and don’t ever bring that up again. I swore you to secrecy.”

  “It’s us, Wills.”

  “Don’t care. Don’t talk about it again.”

  “Alright, fine,” she surrenders with an edge of attitude. “I’m going to go anyway. I need to shower and nap away the rest of this alcohol.”

  After we hang up, I toss my phone beside me and rest my head on the back of the sofa. She should’ve known better. I hate talking about it. It’s a secret I’ll take to my grave and one she only knows about because she was at the same party and she was my ride. If Rhett or Blake found out, they’d be climbing over each other to get to him.

  For as far back as I can remember, Tucker’s been in my life. He spent a lot of time at our house back before Rhett found Summer and Blake was enthralled with Dakota. The three of them were usually together, and me being the annoying little sister, I always wanted to be around them. I had hearts in my eyes before I understood what the fluttering feeling in my chest was. Tucker hung the moon.

  The night that changed my life became both my heaven and hell. I was a few weeks into being twenty. Danny was throwing a bonfire, so Alyssa and I decided to go. Rhett had just met Presley, Blake was doing whatever he was doing, and Cash was still deployed. So other than the middle dumbass, I didn’t really have to worry about anyone showing up.

  We were sneaking drinks, and before too long, we were pretty tipsy. I was dancing with Alyssa when I saw Tucker standing on the side of the house watching the party… alone. With liquid courage raging through my veins, I told Alyssa I’d be back, and I took the opportunity.

  I was flirting my ass off.

  Laughs turned into lingering stares of desire.

  Simple touches were slow to be released.

  My heart was screaming with hope.

  One thing led to another and eventually we found ourselves in Danny’s basement. The first time I felt Tucker’s lips, I melted and floated. Butterflies burst in my stomach and scattered through my limbs. I damn near had an orgasm from it. It was perfect and so much better than anything I had ever imagined.

  And it completely uncaged a hunger I kept hidden away.

  Desperate to know what his skin felt like, I became ravenous. We became starved for each other. I was dizzy with need and drunk with desire. Everything I had ever fantasized was coming true.

  Everyone says the first time hurts like hell, and they weren’t lying. But I was so hungry to feel him that the pain only lasted seconds before it slipped into the most blissful euphoria. As he pumped into me against the wall, he told me how beautiful I was and how great I felt. I had died and gone to heaven. This was the man I’d always wanted. He destroyed me for anyone who came after him, completely ruining me.

  As I spiraled into an orgasm, shattering around him and exploding into a million small fragments of ecstasy, his gaze slipped from my eyes and looked down. I’ll never forget the dread that replaced the heat in his eyes. Nor the words that ruined my life.

  “Fuck, Willow. This was a mistake.” He dropped me to my feet like I was a poisonous sin.

  Humiliated and with tears burning my eyes, I yanked my dress back into place and stormed out of the basement with him on my heels, except he couldn’t make a scene. He couldn’t draw anyone’s attention to us. I used that to my advantage as I grabbed Alyssa and hauled ass out of there, torn between wanting to scream over the hurt and needing to sob over the rage.

  He unknowingly broke me that night. The man I was wildly in love with and dreamed about running off and marrying, demolished me. Because of him I’m incapable of loving someone, unable to hand over the pieces of my heart for someone else to put back together. I’ve tried, but my stupid heart still rests in the palms of a man who never felt the same way. I should have known better, but hope made me blind. And as much as I’ve tried to replace him, no man has made me believe in love.

  Tucker Jones broke my heart, and I hate love because of him.

  CHAPTER THREE

  WILLOW

  I’m twenty minutes early when I step into my office at the ranch. Yep. Four years of college to gain a bachelor’s degree in business only to come work for my family who doesn’t require me to have one. Some people would say I wasted my time. I don’t and I didn’t. I always knew I’d help run the ranch, but I wanted to make sure I did it right and with dignity so I could keep my family’s legacy top notch. My parents worked too hard to make this place the way it is to hand it over to their children, only for us to ruin it. The Helms name is like royalty and we plan on keeping it that way.

  After setting my purse in the bottom drawer of my desk and running to the kitchen for some coffee, I settle down at my desk just as all three of my brothers come strolling in. I’m not stupid. My brothers are handsome men. I’ve had to hear all the girls fawn o
ver how “hot” they were my entire life. Puke. But to me, they’re all idiots, and as my brothers, I need no better reasoning than that.

  “Morning, weirdo,” Cash stands at the back of the office.

  “When are you going to quit calling me that?” I ask and then take a heavenly sip of coffee.

  There’s a subtle raise to his brow. “When you quit being a weirdo.”

  “So should I call you asshole for the rest of your life?” I retort, giving him an innocently evil grin.

  He clutches his chest and feigns pain. “You wound me, sis,” he says chuckling.

  I roll my eyes to Rhett and Blake where they’ve taken purchase in the chairs across from my desk. “And to what do I owe the pleasure of this early morning moron meeting?”

  “Davis called me last night,” Rhett starts, completely ignoring my pestering. “He fractured his foot and will be out a while.”

  Shit. This isn’t good.

  “How’d he manage that?” Blake asks, tossing his ankle over his knee while resting back into the chair.

  Rhett grins from ear to ear. This should be good. “He said he was trying to make Lilabelle laugh and ended up tripping over the dog.”

  Blake bursts out laughing. “You’re kidding?”

  “Afraid not. Now we’re not only shorthanded everywhere else, but we’re also down a stable hand.”

  “You got any plans to keep us from working twenty-four hours a day?” Cash asks.

  “Rumor has it Tucker retired from bull riding. Not sure how true it is, but I thought I’d ask him if he could give us a hand for a bit since he’s helped before.”

  My heart stutters before it seizes along with the air in my lungs. Panic laced with detestation begins ascending from my toes and rushing to my head like fire crawling up a tree. “Can’t we shuffle Hunter into the position for those few weeks?” I ask, hoping my voice is as leveled as I need it to be.

  Rhett shakes his head. “He’s busy helping with the cattle. If we move him to the stables, it’ll put more workload on Blake. Cash is already taking time away from the shop. Since Sterling moved, Felix taking care of his mother, and Ben and Eli off to college, we’re hurtin’ pretty bad. We need to hire some new hands.”